Overwatch Review

Overwatch is the greatest game to ever come out from any company in the history of ever. It’s full of watching and overing, and when you’re lucky, you can over and watch at the same time!

The graphics are fanciful and great, like a puffy bunny smothering your face with love.

The characters are cool and buff and all the things you would expect out of a superhero team that was disbanded due to people not liking superhero teams keeping the world safe (or something like that, I haven’t read the lore of the game but I’m probably right)!

And as far as I can tell, the point of the game is to run around Hollywood, escorting a crime boss into the red team’s base (because, fuck the red team, amiright?) so that he can do coke and cancel Firefly.

But the greatest part is the Plays of the Game! It’s a chance to showcase the most daring, original, wonderfully exciting moves that a single person can pack into ten seconds of amazingness!

For example, watch as Toblerone destroys the enemy team!

Well played, Toblerone. Well played indeed.

You also can sometimes be Mei, the most hated woman in the entirety of the game. Watch as she takes out an entire room of people who decided to become icicles for some reason probably entirely unrelated to that thing she threw.

Seriously, why would they all just up and freeze?

There are giant talking gorillas, purple ladies, multiple robots and robot builders, and a giant shield man straight outta the medieval ages (if King Arthur had rocket powered hammers).

But the real reason we all play is for the loot.

That’s right, the loot.

Every time you level up, you get a loot box, which is filled with anything from stickers you already have to voice lines you already have!

Occasionally, you’ll find a legendary skin for someone useless like Symmetra, and if you’re super lucky it won’t be a duplicate of the one other legendary skin you got 20 levels ago and then only get a handful of gold that is clearly not worth anything like what the actual skin costs and then you forget yourself and throw the dog out the window in anger!

It’s great stuff :)

Anyway, go pick up Overwatch, available on smartphones everywhere! It’ll be the least best thing you’ve regretted since that time you spent years of your life in World of Warcraft.

Raiting: 10 out of 10 possums

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